literally had 100 drinks last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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