So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
