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• (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Quick, to the slutcave!

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom

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• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (760): View more from California

  I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back

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• (512): View more from Texas

  He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

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• 

  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And your cock privileges have been revoked.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  I can't help you there

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