Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish my penis had a tongue
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.