Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.