I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.