I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.