I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date