If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
