i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
