In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
