K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
