At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
