She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
