Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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