Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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