its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
