i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
