the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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