I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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