I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
