Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
