We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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