Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think i have herpe
just one?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
