There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
