I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
