Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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