Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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