Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
