Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
