There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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