I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
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why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize