He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
