and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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