I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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