You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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