I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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