He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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