Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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