I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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