if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
