Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I believe in your delicious
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
