Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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