On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"