so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.