JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.