I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.