I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
