I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
