I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
