turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
