I think I am morally bankrupt
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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