i jhust puked up my retainher.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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