my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
