I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
