I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
