Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize