i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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