I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
