Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
