Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
