i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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