I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
