Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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