I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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