i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
