I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
