Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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