Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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