Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize