once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
