Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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