I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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