I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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