I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
