And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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