I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
