And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
