Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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