rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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