Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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