It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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