Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
